Avoidance = Understatement

Writer’s Block

Oh, that's easy. I am–and have been–avoiding finishing my first novel. I started writing it in 2006, going like gangbusters at first when the words just flowed like a fountain of never-ending Diet Coke. (I don't do coffee or tea so it's my one source of caffeine.) I and one of my co-workers did a happy dance the day I hit my first-ever 300th page. Then, things just…stopped. I can't say life got in the way, because pretty much all I do is get up, go to work, lunch with a friend, go home, watch a movie or some TV, go to bed and then get up the next morning and start the process all over again. Okay, yes there's some variation and other activities in there, but none of them involve me, my novel and progress towards its completion.

I have wondered why I am resistant to finishing it. I love the story, I still get excited when I talk about it to others, I love the characters (I'm doing that "write what you know" thing and basing the main character on me, as it happens), and I'm two-thirds of the way to The End. Answers so far: I want an excuse to wallow in misery; I'm afraid of the happy ending because one in my own life doesn't seem to be happening; I'm afraid to actually finish something; fear of what to do when I actually finish writing it.

If I keep avoiding the project and never finish the novel, here's what'll happen: a) I'll disappoint myself not to mention my mom and my aunt who have been great supporters of the effort; b) I'll continue ignoring something that I really do love to do in favor of doing what I'm doing now, which I don't particularly enjoy; c) I'll never know if writing was what I was meant to do and succeed at; d) spend the rest of my life with regrets.

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Author: Nikki B.

IT Ops Girl Friday by day, wannabe Writer by night who's attempting to finish just one of her many novels. Follow the saga on Wordpress!